Throwing tantrum will always be my best option when I feel like crying but the tears can't even fill the eyes.
You know the feeling of dissapointment. A deep one. Until at one time I don't know what is my emotion that should be felt when I see those numbers. I never feel this kind of insecurity in my study even if the marks would leave me a deep cut, but this time, it kills my hope. The hope to be excel this semester. GA and History. Main banyak sangat kot. Ntah la. Serious tak tahuuu.
Rasa malu gila. Dengan family, abi.
Kalaulah ada orang mampu bagi a real hard slap to my face lepastu psycho gila2. Tapi aku tak makan psycho orang. The problem rooted within myself. I just can't get my momentum. Until now. It's been 2 years since. I feel something is missing. But I don't know what, where and how to find. Sampai satu tahap rasa nak lari je dari expectation semua orang. Nak pergi satu tempat yang mana takde sorg pun kenal aku and my past.
This kind of thing I can't express verbally because I just can't. I cannot blame others but only myself.
I need the momentum.
Hmmmm.
"A problem may come across you if you don't take care your relationship with God."
I should check this.
I need a hug. A tight and real one.
Jujur aku rasa aku hidup hanya fizikal bukan jiwa. Jiwa aku lari sebentar. Mencari apa yang perlu untuk terus berdiri.
I motivate others but to myself, I'm just the other loser.
Kalau orang tanya kenapa tak cerita, itu bukan aku.
Betullah kata mak, jangan mengharapkan apa2 dari orang sebab orang takkan pernah faham perasaan kita yang halus tu walaupun kita sering comfort orang. Berjuang atas kaki sendiri walaupun payah. Sebab itulah punca kita menjadi manusia. Berharap hanya pada Allah.
Conclusion: The marks that I see just now is the subtle "real slap" from Allah to me. WAKE UP AND FACE THE REALITY!
2 comments:
Hai syiqin ngehehe. Kita nak share lah, qada dan qadar tu mmg dh ditetapkan allah, pointer awk mmg dh tertulis akan dpt ninini.. alhamdulillah awk sedar and awk tau yg
awk kurang usaha. See tarbiyyah allah tu. Dekat sgt allah dgn awk time ni, dia syg sgt kt awak sbb tu die bg awk nmpk kelemahan awk. Masa ni lah allah tgh tarbiyyah awk utk tingkatkan usaha. Kalau allah tak syg kt awak dia takkan lahirkan perasaan sedar kt diri awk skrg. Just keep on going, the more u work the more u get. Double bonus la awk dpt kalau ada hard work and good result(which yg mmg dh tertulis dr awl). And tak rugi jugak kalau awk work hard tp result tak ok. Lagi allah tu syg kt awak sbb die tgk awk ni usaha constantly. And kena keep in mind tawakal kpd allah tu maknanya awk bertawakal ms awk belajar, awk bertawakal brp byk allah nak bg ilmu tu byk tu jela awk dpt tp kalau awk sambung2 bc tp x masuk tu mmg dh ditetapkan allah. And ilmu yg awk dpt tu bukan keutamaan utk dpt good result, tp yg plg utama ilmu tu gunanya mcm mn awk nak guna utk jln islam and dakwah. Kemudian baru awk letak good result which is benda yg penting. As a muslimah benda utama tu kite kena jd kan plg 1st and bemda penting di tempat ke2, insyaallah awk akan rasa lagi nikmat belajar nikmat ilmu tu walaupun mmg result teruk akan buat awk down sekejap.
Sorry panjang sgt, kita doakan awk mudah faham dan terima apa yg kita cuba nak smpaikan. Wallahualam. Salam=)
hehe. thank you kinah. huhu. kita lupa kejap benda2 macam ni. kena perbaiki niat belajar tu balik. thank you kinah sebab sedarkan kita balik. awak ni kiranya, medium Allah nak nak bagi nasihat kat kita la ni. thank you again. :') <3
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